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Everyone is on my good side when i’m high

I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident. No, seriously though… I didn’t. This motherfucker hit our car in a parking lot AND NOW we owe his damn car rental company like $3,000. So, why didn’t we flee the scene?!? Cause we we’re stoned. Everyone is on my good side when i’m high. I really don’t give a shit what goes on, life is good. But when i’m not high, you should probably not hit my motherfucking car and then sue me.

Inhale the good shit. Exhale the bullshit.

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When your parents call… and you’re high.

I hate when I just got blazed and my parents call. They always talk for hours so they’re with me at the peak of my high. I’ve always been high when I lived with them and i’m pretty sure they burn too… But sometimes when i’m really high, I just don’t want to talk to them because i’m always thinking “on shit, they know i’m stoned!” They probably don’t care but I just don’t want them thinking i’m a stoner… which I am.
My dad’s always like “hey what are you doing today?” What I should say is “getting stoned, blogging about getting stoned, and watching Weeds.” but I lie and say “going for a walk, cleaning the house, and finding a job.” My mom likes to go on and on about god knows what for literally 20 minutes, and she’ll lose me… then she’ll say “well, what do you think?” Uhh…. can you repeat that? AND SHE WOULD! (only to lose me again) Mom, i’m stoned, You can’t talk longer than 30 seconds at a time or you’ll lose me. One day, when my parents finally admit that they burn, I wanna burn them out with some good shit, and then tell them what I honestly thought of them these past 21 years. I love them to death… most of the time.

Inhale the good shit. Exhale the bullshit.

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